Traveling Immortality! The USPS Has…Everything?

Some people just never step foot off the porch. They dream of faraway places but for whatever reason, mostly cost, it never happens and well, they die, their wanderlust unfulfilled.  No traveling legacy here.

I’ve heard anecdotal evidence that in the past you could inexpensively mail your child through the US Postal Service by placing the lad on a scale and paying the appropriate postage.  For some unknown reason, the program didn’t catch on, most likely due to the size of the box required.

People have been wrestling with the high cost of travel for eons, both in the monetary sense and the physical.  For a caveman, it wasn’t the money, it was having to club the hell out of everything while trying to get from here to there.  For modern travelers, less clubbing but way more money.  So it’s expensive either way, if you’re alive that is…

I was talking to a close friend the other day and noticed a medium sized unopened box sitting on the counter in the kitchen.  “What’s in the box?” I asked.  “Mr So and So” she replied.  She further explained “He’s from the East coast and wanted to be buried in the Ozarks, so a family member mailed him here”.  “The service is Thursday and the family has a nice spot picked out for him”.  I suddenly had this overwhelming urge to check my mailbox, all I ever get is junkmail.

I, of course had to examine the box.  It had multiple labels.  One gave the weight (14 lbs), one said United States Postal Service Cremated Remains, another said Priority Mail Express, Guaranteed, Tracked, Insured.  That would be important.  I couldn’t believe it, my imagination ran wild!

This gentleman passed away and he is still traveling!  I suggested that she mail him to Arizona for the winter.  She declined.  For the hardcore traveler, this is an amazing opportunity.  I’m crazy, right? No. Remember the Traveling Yard Gnome?  Oh, here he is in Tibet, a picture of him with a family in Australia, cruising in a Jeep on the Serengeti… As long as people keep mailing him, he keeps traveling.   Think of the angry wife who gets the last word; “where’s Dad, he’s not on the mantle?”, “I shipped his cheating ass off to Siberia!”.  The Family reunion, “they mailed Bob two days ago, he’ll be here tomorrow” The possibilities are endless.  In the ground, on the mantle, in a closet…No thanks, it’s the road for me!

So a big Thank You to the US Postal service for a shot at Traveling Immortality…while still wandering the globe at an affordable price.




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