The September 2017 Adam Henry Awards

Who is Adam Henry and why an award?  First, Adam Henry is not a person. It’s Law Enforcement Vernacular using the letters of the alphabet to create a euphemism for someone who is an a$$ho!e.  So, obviously, to earn this award you have to be an…well, you get it.  This could also be called the “I’m fed up with your crap” award.  Let’s begin!

We’ll start at the bottom, the Bronze medalist.  Our Adam Henry Award goes to: The sports players who kneel during the National Anthem.

Thankfully, our Constitution (Bill of Rights, 1st Amendment) guarantees you the right to protest peaceably (free speech and assembly) and you’re doing just that.  I’m also willing to concede that through whatever skill you possess you somehow bubbled up to the top and are on the team, which couldn’t have been easy.  Having said that…

I have no idea who or what you were like before fame and fortune but I doubt you protested anything.  I also doubt you were a role model for anyone other than, maybe, your family.  Yet here you are, lots of money and enjoying your 15 minutes of fame.  Apparently, you’re now special and you feel that you have an important opinion that matters and an audience who seems to be actually interested in your every utterance.  Here’s the pitch, strike 3!, yeah, not so much.  With the exception of the media, who are desperately hoping you’ll say or do something stupid, nobody cares…at all.  No one really cared about what you thought before you were “a celebrity” so why in the world would they care about what you think today.  I doubt your new status has suddenly made you any smarter.  So enjoy your 15 minutes, and please, stay down on your knees and get comfortable.   While I have no use for you, I’m sure that some admirer standing nearby could find a use for a guy in your…position.


On to the next Adam Henry award, our Silver medalist.  This goes to CNN, Fox News and the media as a whole.  With bonus awards also being given to CNN’s Don Lemon and Fox’s Sean Hannity.

Thankfully, again, our Constitution (1st Amendment) guarantees you the right to the Freedom of the Press and boy are you having fun with it! What was supposed to be news, is now a variety show, complete with a panel of experts.  In the past, Walter Cronkite would have about 30 minutes in the evening to tell us what happened in the world today.  He didn’t mess around as the Walton’s were coming on at 6 and we needed to know if Jon-Boy, who last week had suffered a head injury, was going to recover.

The media, literally, lies in wait for someone, anyone to do anything that they can make a dollar on.  This sick variety show, especially as presented by Lemon and Hannity, specializes in keeping gaping wounds open for as long as ratings and their handler’s will allow. They call this journalism and hide behind it’s shield of protection.  These news channels should be viewed in the same fashion as the Home Shopping Network.  The difference being that the media is selling human misery instead of the latest jewelry


The last Adam Henry Award, our Gold medalist, goes to…Us.  We watch the “news” shows, listen to the opinions of fools and allow this insanity to continue.  We can’t agree with each other on even the simplest of things.  We are a complete incurable mess.  Do you ever wonder why aliens haven’t stopped here? Our intergalactic reputation is that bad.  I’m certain that there is a billboard with a warning near Mars. I have no solutions to offer but I am positive that the evolution of humanity will ultimately cure this problem in one way or another.  So, in the meantime, even though we’re totally screwed, let’s all enjoy our awards, we certainly earned ’em.