Missouri Bugs, Part II, Seriously! (Though, I may have embellished a wee bit here and there)

The cemetery Spider has told on me…

 Today, as I’m leaving a restaurant that serves delicious specialty tacos, I see another Bold Jumping Spider on the side of our truck where the cab and the bed meet. “Hey, here’s another one,” I said, “I’ll get a picture.” And as I did, I saw it’s face, its eyes, its nose; “I have seen this face before, but where?” It was the face of a man, deviously smiling and wearing a really cool pair of sunglasses.IMG_1986

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Suddenly, without warning, it jumped through the air towards me, landing on my hand. I promptly freaked the sh*! out and ass-over-tea-kettled backward. The spider then jumped from my hand back onto the side of the truck and just sat there glaring at me; daring me to again, come close and take another picture. I, with my tail firmly tucked between my legs, raced into the truck and slammed the door, whimpering like a little girl. I was beaten and the damn spider knew it.

I told Lilly to haul-ass and make sure she took a different route home; this (insert expletive here) was making it personal. I looked out at the side mirror (you know objects are larger than they may appear) and saw the little terror crawling on the side of the truck towards the cab. We’re doing 40 mph and yet, still, here he comes; the intrepid hunter.

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Stopping at the handle, he, again, stared at me as if possessing the ability of a Jedi Knight to will those of weak-mind into doing its bidding. I suddenly pulled my hand back towards my lap, which oddly, had begun reaching for the inner door latch. I realized this creature was stalking me, watching and waiting for a chance to freak me out again and claim this truck as its own. The haunting melody of Jaws began echoing in the recesses of my mind. I’m desperate, trapped. I suggested running this side of the truck against a brick wall, building, anything, just scrape it the &%#! off! I’m fighting for my life here. Slowly, it crawls up on to the window’s ledge, watching me through the glass. The face, still smiling. It appeared to be relishing the moment; toying with its human prey.

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I’m lost in awe at the size of brass balls this spider must possess. It would stop, stare and then shake its ass at me; taunting me through the window. Then at the front of the window’s ledge, it sat again, staring. Then its “face” began to shift side to side revealing its hidden incandescent fangs. I’m sitting on the edge of my seat giving a play-by-play of its little dance when Lilly, who is now completely annoyed at the folly, says, “just roll the damn window down and flick it away!” Such a bold move! I was mildly tempted, “it’s not a frickin’ Chihuahua!, I protested. It’s huge, and it might just jump into the cab and then what will we do?” “Idiot,” she replied.

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Facing emasculation, I asked Lilly to pull the truck over in a parking lot. This treacherous little monster must never know where we live or, like its vindictive cemetery cousin, it will spread the word or whatever they do, and this torturous hell will never cease.

It then began to climb up the side of the mirror and when it turned its back, I jumped out of the truck. I found a stick near a bush and bravely stood opposed, staring into one of its “only God knows how many” eyes. I thought my odds of victory were about 54/46 and valiantly lunged forward. The spider, expecting my attack, dodged and squatted as it prepared to leap and deliver its death blow, but I countered quickly and with an unexpected backhand flick and twist, knocked it off the top of the mirror and onto the ground, a single strand of its fine spider’s silk was left blowing gently in the breeze. The spider landed about two feet under the truck; broken and defeated. I tossed my stick towards the bush and raised my hand towards the heavens as I drank to my ancestors from the proverbial well of victory.

But then, to my amazement, the wretched creature arose and began crawling towards me. “What is this dark magic you possess?” I exclaimed. I reached for my stick; it was too far away. This spider was bent on hellish destruction; a killer of men, and as I backed away, it continued to advance towards me. But, like a seasoned chess-master, I sorta-patiently waited and as he was blinded by rage, into my trap, he crawled. I squealed for Lilly to “hit the gas!” The wheels of the truck spun and though he tried to escape, it was too late, and they plowed his plotting, stalking, conniving, evil ass over where he then became one with the tire. I remained vigilant for a minute or two, expecting the monster to rise again, like a phoenix from the ashes, and strike me swiftly from behind. Finally, certain that evil had been truly vanquished, I climbed back into the cab and departed the glorious battlefield; victorious.

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De-Icing in Tucson! Really??

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We have flown ~2,000,000 air-miles all over the world and the FIRST time we have to be de-iced…Tucson, Arizona! We can hit the Mexican border with a rock and we’re in ice; 28 degrees.

And Three’s a Charm…

The third book is done and printed! The Diary of Francis Kelley. Amazon has been “struggling” with paperbacks lately, so the books are on my site: Travelinggump.Com under “menu” and the eBook versions are on Amazon. Just search “Travelinggump”

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Order here Thru Paypal and get Free Shipping!

Trying Something New; A Video

Some thoughts just have to be spoken. Let me know what you think. I know it’s too long, but if you survive, an opinion would be appreciated. I’m reading and at few points the language gets kinda “salty”. 🤭🤓

Why I Write, Post and What I Want From You. (Tip: It’s not cute pet pictures)

I write two Blogs. Travelinggump.com and Thesunflowermuse.com.  The first, mostly for travel and travel tips/ideas, the second, for opinions, thoughts and articles about our social condition.  I post on Twitter, Instagram, WordPress and Facebook.  Three sites are “blowing up” (Instagram, WordPress and Twitter) with followers.  Facebook is “meh” and I would like that to improve.

What I know:

  1. If I don’t write or post articles or pictures of value and interest, I should expect nothing in return.  Generally, I put an enormous amount of thought into most of the articles that I write, especially on Thesunflowermuse.  I’m trying to get to the core of the issues.
  2. That there is a “process” for getting your posts to the right audience, which I’m working on.
  3. That people are inundated with “stuff” and “like” whatever is easy to see/scan and are generally too busy (understandably) to read in detail. Hence the enormous popularity of pet pictures/videos.  Ugh.
  4. Despite having a large amount of followers, I am not getting the traction I want, especially on my personal facebook page, which supports the theory; “You can’t be a prophet in your own land” and/or you really need to improve your articles. The first I get, the latter I don’t feel the need to change at this point. Going forward, I’m going to try and confine myself to the two sites listed above.

What I want from you:

  1. If my articles are of no interest to you or my opinions are too this or that, leave.
  2. If they are of any interest, entertain you, provoke or evoke a thought or passion, acknowledge it somehow.  On Thesunflowermuse.com, my thoughts and opinions can be challenging and are written to be thought provoking.  Feel free to complain, gripe or even correct my grammar (please!), something! If you don’t agree, say so!
  3. And lastly, on Travelinggump.com, I am fortunate to have excellent advertisers (Amazon, Holiday Inn, Expedia, Orbitz, Trivago etc…).  Please search and book through my page as it costs you nothing extra and helps me to keep them happy.

There is so much “noise” on the internet today and I am trying to rise above the cute animal pictures/videos and provide great Travel Tips and Ideas (https://travelinggump.com) and Thought Provoking Stories and Opinions on The Human Condition and Society (https://thesunflowermuse.com). Please Engage.

Best Wishes, Michael

 

The September 2017 Adam Henry Awards

Who is Adam Henry and why an award?  First, Adam Henry is not a person. It’s Law Enforcement Vernacular using the letters of the alphabet to create a euphemism for someone who is an a$$ho!e.  So, obviously, to earn this award you have to be an…well, you get it.  This could also be called the “I’m fed up with your crap” award.  Let’s begin!

We’ll start at the bottom, the Bronze medalist.  Our Adam Henry Award goes to: The sports players who kneel during the National Anthem.

Thankfully, our Constitution (Bill of Rights, 1st Amendment) guarantees you the right to protest peaceably (free speech and assembly) and you’re doing just that.  I’m also willing to concede that through whatever skill you possess you somehow bubbled up to the top and are on the team, which couldn’t have been easy.  Having said that…

I have no idea who or what you were like before fame and fortune but I doubt you protested anything.  I also doubt you were a role model for anyone other than, maybe, your family.  Yet here you are, lots of money and enjoying your 15 minutes of fame.  Apparently, you’re now special and you feel that you have an important opinion that matters and an audience who seems to be actually interested in your every utterance.  Here’s the pitch, strike 3!, yeah, not so much.  With the exception of the media, who are desperately hoping you’ll say or do something stupid, nobody cares…at all.  No one really cared about what you thought before you were “a celebrity” so why in the world would they care about what you think today.  I doubt your new status has suddenly made you any smarter.  So enjoy your 15 minutes, and please, stay down on your knees and get comfortable.   While I have no use for you, I’m sure that some admirer standing nearby could find a use for a guy in your…position.

 

On to the next Adam Henry award, our Silver medalist.  This goes to CNN, Fox News and the media as a whole.  With bonus awards also being given to CNN’s Don Lemon and Fox’s Sean Hannity.

Thankfully, again, our Constitution (1st Amendment) guarantees you the right to the Freedom of the Press and boy are you having fun with it! What was supposed to be news, is now a variety show, complete with a panel of experts.  In the past, Walter Cronkite would have about 30 minutes in the evening to tell us what happened in the world today.  He didn’t mess around as the Walton’s were coming on at 6 and we needed to know if Jon-Boy, who last week had suffered a head injury, was going to recover.

The media, literally, lies in wait for someone, anyone to do anything that they can make a dollar on.  This sick variety show, especially as presented by Lemon and Hannity, specializes in keeping gaping wounds open for as long as ratings and their handler’s will allow. They call this journalism and hide behind it’s shield of protection.  These news channels should be viewed in the same fashion as the Home Shopping Network.  The difference being that the media is selling human misery instead of the latest jewelry

 

The last Adam Henry Award, our Gold medalist, goes to…Us.  We watch the “news” shows, listen to the opinions of fools and allow this insanity to continue.  We can’t agree with each other on even the simplest of things.  We are a complete incurable mess.  Do you ever wonder why aliens haven’t stopped here? Our intergalactic reputation is that bad.  I’m certain that there is a billboard with a warning near Mars. I have no solutions to offer but I am positive that the evolution of humanity will ultimately cure this problem in one way or another.  So, in the meantime, even though we’re totally screwed, let’s all enjoy our awards, we certainly earned ’em.